Breakup Is the Beginning – Chapter 2 – Self-Esteem

by Clay Schmitz | Mar 26, 2026 | books, how to articles, how to videos

Chapter 2: Self-Esteem

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(Click here for the Introduction and Chapter 1)

(See the bottom of this post for the Video version of Chapter 2)

In two of my relationships, I experienced unwanted breakups. Both were devastating to my self-esteem, my sense of worth, and my feeling of being lovable.

All the stories came rushing in:
I’m not good enough.
I must not be lovable.
Something must be wrong with me.
I must be flawed, broken, damaged.

And when it happens more than once, those stories get louder.

Then you add in all the other relationships that didn’t work out—the ones where I “picked the wrong person,” or things just fell apart—and it all stacks together. On top of that, you layer childhood experiences, and suddenly it becomes a heavy, persistent internal dialogue.

I’m not good enough.
No one could love me.
No one would want this.

Sometimes those messages were even reinforced directly in relationships:
“No woman could accept this.”
“You’re not giving what a woman needs.”
“You don’t have what it takes.”

Whether spoken outright or implied, it lands hard.

Because it’s not like I wasn’t trying. I was giving my best effort. And when your best effort still ends in rejection—sometimes painfully, even with betrayal—it cuts deep. It feels like a knife to the chest.

So the real question becomes...

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Breakup Is the Beginning – Chapter 1 – Feel Better

by Clay Schmitz | Mar 16, 2026 | books, how to articles, how to videos

Chapter 1: Feel Better

Buy this book in text and video format here.

(See the bottom of this post for the Video version of the Introduction and Chapter 1)

Table of Contents and Introduction.

Chapter 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14.

This is the “Feel Better” chapter.

After my first wife put on her shoes, said she couldn’t do this anymore, and then literally walked out of my life—out of the house, gone for good—I was devastated. I felt horrible. I was heartbroken, shattered, and desperate. All I knew was that I needed help.

The first thing I did was send an email to a handful of my closest friends—maybe four or five of them. I said, “I’m devastated. I’m depressed. I’m desperate. I’ve been crying every day. I’m miserable. I don’t know what to do. I just need help.”

One of my friends wrote back and said, “Hey, I know this guy. He’s eccentric, but he’s a caring dude.”

That was all I needed to hear.

Up until then, the advice I’d heard from friends sounded terrible. It felt like they didn’t know what they were doing. I was in such a state of desperation. I didn’t know how I had gotten myself into this mess. I had no clue what to do next, or how to keep it from happening again in the future. I wanted someone who knew what they were doing—someone who had been in my shoes and made it through.

So I called the guy right away. He said, “I can fit you in in about a week.”

I said, “Do you have anything sooner? Like… tomorrow?”

And he did.

I went, and I remember thinking, Oh my God, did I make a mistake? Who is this guy? Eccentric was definitely the word. He was so far outside my comfort zone. And yet I went. I sat there. He mostly just listened. He asked me a few questions, but mostly he listened.

And from the way he listened—and from a few of the things he said—I knew he had been in my shoes before, and that he had gotten through it. That was enough for me...

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