The 5 Levels of Agreement – More Success Less Disappointment
The 5 levels of agreement are a tool to let us know what we are agreeing to, get more of our requests agreed to, and to align our expectations with reality. What do we do if people aren't keeping the agreements we make? I offer a tool to dig deeper, understand why, and have a better chance of getting what we want.
In this video I talk about agreements, give examples of well known agreements that aren't kept, explain the 5 Levels of Agreement, and aligning our expectations with reality:
https://vimeo.com/1053975195
I first heard of the 5 Levels of Agreement from Dr. Neha Sangwan, she gave a talk at a Hay House event I attended. Phycology today wrote an article on the talk.
If people are not keeping the agreements we make there are usually core wounds from childhood that are coming up. In this next video I give an example from my childhood where my father and I had different levels of agreement on time:
This page is part of the Tools for Life Course, I recommend using this tool with relate and communication skills.
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Learn to repair and reconnect our relationship when we get into a fight or something happens that we are struggling to get over. Feel that lovey dovey close connection again, feel safe, restore trust, and grow into each other. Here I share techniques, practices, tools that help us build the relationship we want.
I grew up hearing the old, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." As a kid I would rather have my dad yell at me or lecture me than to hit me. Now as an adult I almost feel the opposite. In martial arts class we did an exercise where we tried to trigger or neg or name call each other, simulating a bully on the street. I couldn't do it, it was harder to say nasty things to someone than to try and choke them to death or break their leg.
As someone born and raised in an urban and suburban environment it's easy and normal to be disconnected from nature and the elements. Lots of climate controlled buildings surrounded by concrete and asphalt, and the "wild" spaces are often parks with rules and curfews. When I lived 50 feet from the bay I would go outside every sunset in the winter and wonder how the wild birds and animals could stand the cold? And yet they did and seemed perfectly fine and comfortable in both air and water that is below 50F. When I was kid we went surfing in 50F water in just a short spring suit or boardshorts, my son and his friends regularly wear just T-shirts or even shorts in the winter while I am wearing a hooded down parka. I know a couple of surfers around 50 years old, one wears just shorts and the other shorts and a thin neoprene vest, in winter, and they tell me they are not cold. My introduction to this seeming madness was a Wim Hof workshop on Treasure Island.
